How did I get to this place where I am now. When did I get direction?
When did I grow a pair of balls and take on the world. (Well not the whole world, but a good part of it).
It’s been 10 months since I made my life altering decision.
I will never forget the day after, how I cried non stop. How I almost chickened out. How no one thought I was strong enough to follow through.
Where would I have been today if I did chicken out?
It’s been almost 8 months since B has stepped into my life. A shining knight on his white horse, he came to rescue me from myself. Made me stronger, made me smile, and made me feel love and trust and all those wonderful things that come from having a relationship.
A real relationship.
One with a future.
One with trust.
When did it become ok to lie for hours on end next to someone and not say a word but yet feel so in touch and feel as if you had actually been talking non stop for those hours. Content.
I have a lot of when’s and how’s and what if’s.
Yet I’m still trying to live without thinking about them, and just be content….. and in love….
Those feelings will be there for a good while, maybe forever, but you learn to live with the old ones, and move on, you learn to focus more on and live with the new what if's and the when's and the how's! I still have them, even though I know I could never be happier in a relationship than I am with my current husband. The sick part of the whole process is that the negative experiences become less important and your mind focuses on the positive ones. When I find that happening I focus hard on one of the bad experiences until the good ones are totally out of my mind again. Good luck, If i can make it, anyone can!
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