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Panda eyes

It wasn’t my usual Wednesday afternoon routine. Wednesday afternoon’s are spent counting the minutes away until I head over to Mr. B’s place for some “adult entertainment”. No Mck’s, no being a mommy, just a girlfriend going to visit her boyfriend. Not yesterday, nope this Wednesday played out very different…..

I watched my friend go first, cool as a cucumber. She knew I was watching every twitch and facial expression. I watched my mom being led to another room to be prepped. My heart started to race. Next thing I knew I had replaced my mom lying on the bed in the other room. I could hear giggles and muffled chatting coming from down the passage.

I lay there, eyes taped shut. Burning. I lay there thinking about my gorgeous Mr. B and what he was doing. I relived my wonderful weekend in my head over and over again. I gave thought to what the hell was I doing right now. I contemplated chickening out. But what would they say. Nita had gone, mom was almost done. How exactly did I end up going last? I had to go ahead…..

A soft voice came to get me, leading me down the hall way. Blind. I held onto the soft hands that were guiding me. Mom sniggering, “you see - now you know how I felt” came from somewhere behind me. I lay down. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I kept telling myself that I had just watched my friend have this done, she didn’t even flinch. (Later she told me that she had to hold her pose as to not scare me off.) Mom sniggers again, “good luck”……..

The soft voice tilts my head to the side, and says “keep the eyes relaxed and closed. I will pull them the way I want them”. RELAXED??? Darling you are about to put a blade that contains needles into my eye, (ok, well close enough to my eye, 1mm to be exact). The blade slices through my lids, upper and then lower. Breathe, breathe, breathe. “You still ok?”…. “yeah I’m totally fine you mother f*****g b*tch of a ***”. No really, “I’m cool” I say instead. “Just fine.”

We walked out there all puffy eyed and tired. Downed 4 double whiskey’s after our harrowing experience. Need to go back in 6 weeks for the touch up. But at least I’m going to have pretty black lined eyes for the next say 6 years or so. No more tedious minutes spent applying eye liner and having it burn the sh*t out of me. No more smudges. Just gorgeous lines, perfectly done.

Worms

McK has this irritating rude girl in her class, lets just call her G.... I'm forever hearing horrid stories about what G does. You know your typical school bully.

Just a snippet of our conversation on the drive home from school today:

Me: So McKs what did G get up to today?

McK: *insert look of disgust* She was really rude today

Me: What did she do now?

McK: She keeps putting her hand in her bum

Me: *trying not to giggle* Ummm, maybe she has worms

McK: I hope so *grinning*

Me: Me too......

LOL

Where do I even start with an update? I suppose I could just type and see where it goes.

I really do miss blogging and reading my favourite blogs too. But my days and weeks are just so jam packed I hardly find time to get in front of the PC.

Mondays – we try to recover from the weekend. Work is incredibly busy on a Monday. Exhausting. So by the time I have picked McK up from school at 5pm, I just want to eat dinner and bath.

Tuesdays – Well I don’t really have an excuse for a Tuesday. It’s really the only day that I have nothing on after work. So technically I could catch up with the blogs on a Tuesday.

Wednesdays – GRIN. I get to spend with Mr. B. So definitely no time for the PC.

Thursdays – Girly drinks with my friend Nita. Our kids even know that Thursdays are “kuier” days. McK will run to the car singing about her brothers. Nita’s boys are McK’s “brothers”. Too cute.

Fridays – Back in the arms of Mr. B again. Need I say more?

Saturday and Sunday – McK and I are at Mr. B until late Sunday afternoon. We are either entertaining friends or being lazy and watching movies.

In between being exhausted and working and visiting, I still have to make time for Making Babies and my dear friends the Geysers. It’s hard not seeing them so regularly any more. Our lives just seem so busy lately. Need to change that.

Then next thing I know Monday is back staring me in the face, another week seen its @ss. I wake up and realize its September.

Sometimes I don’t think I really have anything to update. I mean its still “same old same old”. Happy and in love. Enjoying each day. I’m leading a pretty boring life right now. If you can call it boring? I guess I will take this happy boringness over what my life used to be any day. Hahaha.

McK is doing well. She is still having some separation issues. Today marks her third session with the therapist. S phoned me this morning to let me know they start dealing and talking about “issues” today. So I might notice McK acting out or misbehaving. Says I just need to take it as it comes while she learns how to deal with her emotions. I’m really nervous.

Mr. B has started taking a more active role as “parent” too. It makes a big difference. I know it’s difficult for him to jump into the father role. But he handles it all so well. I think his and McK’s relationship can only benefit from it.

I wake up every morning thinking how very lucky I am. I get to hold my daughter. I get kisses and hugs and “mommy I love you’s”. I get to watch her grow each day. I watch her smile and giggle. I watch them play hide and seek together. I hear her laugh hysterically while Mr. B tickles her and she squeals “mommy come help me, Mr. Tickler has me”. I listen to her singing, making up words as she goes and sit amazed by her dancing and bouncing all over the place. I watch the tears fill up her gorgeous blue eyes and run down her cheek. The lip quiver. The temper tantrum accompanied by feet stomping. The sheepish grovel that comes after she has been punished. I get to see this all every day.

I get spun around the room to a corny country western song and get told how gorgeous I am. I get woken up with soft kisses, a smile with a gaze that I know only means “I love you.”

Life is bliss, life is happy, life is honest, life is love….

Who has time for blogging?

August Decisions

Hey bloggers/readers.

Grin..... Yeah I'm giving a half @ss attempt at blogging today.

August has been a whirlwind of fun and drama.

I made the decision to send McK to a child play therapist. I had the first session with the therapist last Friday. It was really hectic. I cried most of the hour while she asked about McK and her Father, and all the issues that come with it. But I'm very glad I did it. She will start seeing McK this week.

Why is McK going you may ask???? Well since her father just packed up his things and fled to the coast a few weeks back, after not even making any attempt to say good bye to her..... I had to be the bearer of bad news and explain to McK that she isn't going to see her daddy any time soon. She took the news rather badly.....

Since then she has been very clingy and emotional. I think this last year has finally hit hard on her and she is dealing with some issues that I have no idea on how to handle. I'm so p*ssed off with C, that I'm not taking her feelings into consideration when trying to explain the situation to her.

I know this is the best thing for McK. When I told her on Friday night that she is going to go see a special lady that is going to help her not be so sad anymore, the poor child burst into tears. But it was tears of relief. I can't explain it to you. I explained to her that she can talk to this lady about anything that is making her angry or sad. And that we are going to try and help her heart feel better. She is very excited.

I can't wait to have my giggly dancing girlie back again.

On the B side of life. Still wonderful. Yeah I don't know when the "honeymoon" period is supposed to end, but I'm still enjoying it. All is good. All is love. All is happiness.

Long time no star sign...

Usually these days I don't have time for star signs but this one caught my eye this morning on the way to work:

Life is good. Really good. And while you'd like to say it's been all your own doing, you know better. Now march yourself over to the person responsible for that sappy grin and think of a creative way to say thank you. You'll think of something ....

Hmmmm creative way, GRIN, oh I could think of many but I couldn't possibly type them out here since my father might just read my blog today.

*BLUSHES*

I don't believe it? Seriously. Who would have thought I would be the one to go MIA in the blogsphere. I just figured maybe you were all getting bored with stories of happiness and love and me gushing over Mr. B all the time. You know that same old same old kind of stuff.

I could tell you all about the drama that I have had to endure the last 2 weeks, but is it really reading material that I want to share. Hmmmm, maybe not. I haven't even told McK yet, so maybe it isn't fair that I share it with the internet. I'm only planning on telling her next week when things have calmed down and final. Lets just say that a certain piece of rubbish is finally out of our lives.

I think I've settled into the working schedule. Still hating the getting up early bit though. Don't think I will ever get used to it to be honest. I have (and will) always love my sleep. It's the one thing, (ok not the one thing, he finds me over all very amazing) that amazed B, the amount of time I can spend sleeping. Bliss.

Yeah I'm still sickeningly in love with B. (and I'm starting to think he is more sickeningly in love with me) LOL. I still don't know how I got so lucky.

B is taking McK shopping on Sunday. I don't quite think he knows what he is letting himself in for. But I have warned her to be on her best behaviour. Yes, this gorgeous face can get demonic at the best of times.



Oh wait, do you hear that? It's a soft whisper, a seductive whisper.... a maybe it's better lying in a warm bubble bath than sitting in front of the PC whisper... Best I heed it's call.

I promise not to leave you for so long again.

xox